About The Terrible Twos or It's Their Party And They'll Cry if They Want To

I've been in a panic recently. I was not ready for my daughters to turn two. Lo and behold, this morning arrived and two they were. I couldn't stop it, regardless of how many tears I cried, when I put them in their cribs last night. Regardless of how many pictures I took of them in their jammies. It didn't matter. Days come and go and my teeny-tiny, itty-bitty babies are growing into children.

1 year and 364 days old

It's not that I don't want them to grow. I get so much joy out of seeing them learn and experience the world. They talk to me now. We can communicate. They have established personalities. They are stubborn and irritable, but also cuddly and needy. My gals are clever and creative and the most amazing children I have ever known. But until you are a parent, you just don't understand how hard it is to say goodbye to your babies, in favor of saying hello to your children. As a parent who is uncertain about the prospect of additional children in her future, it makes these days even harder to handle.

Veronica--Two Years Old

Clarissa and Veronica decided today, their second birthday, would be the perfect moment to prove they have entered the terrible twos. Everyone thinks the terrible twos is just about tantrums and bratty behavior, but that's not the case. It's about being a little person who understands more than they can communicate. Clarissa is angry. She knows she needs to poop in the potty (to the point that she will willingly sit on the potty for hours at a time), but she's afraid to do it. So she plants that tiny bum on her little potty chair and screams and cries. She begs to be read a book, then cries and slaps the book out of my hands. She wails until I give her a baby doll, then quickly whips it across the bathroom. She wants anything to take her mind off her need to poop, but her discomfort is more than she can handle. She's not a bad kid, she's just struggling to grow up.

Clarissa--Two Years Old

Veronica doesn't have a particular hurdle in front of her right now. Instead, she is easily annoyed and frustrated by everything in her path. She wants to be cuddled, then gets ornery when I hold her. She doesn't know how to deal with all the attention Clarissa gets for potty training, so she throws herself on the floor. She bites herself, then yells, "BITE!" as though someone else bit her. She takes off her diaper and pees on the floor. When I make her wear pants, so she doesn't take off the diaper, she flails around the floor, screaming and pulling her hair. Her screams are so loud and high pitched that they make my ears hurt. No joke. My ears hurt to the point that I get queasy. I offer her toys, try to read her stories, build block towers for her and try to cradle her in my arms, but once she's in tantrum mode, nothing will stop her. She has to wear herself out, which can sometimes take an hour or more. It's exhausting for both of us.

Veronica insisted on dressing herself today

This morning both of my sweet girls screamed themselves hoarse. For three hours, I tried to distract Clarissa from the potty and keep Veronica occupied with games. Nothing worked and I eventually cried with them, until they were ready to take their naps. When I put them into their cribs, they were both limp with exhaustion. My girls are good nappers, who often ask to go to sleep, but even on good days, they also beg for stuffed animals or a particular blanket to take with them. Today there was none of it. By the time I was setting them down, I think we all had broken spirits. We had all given up hope. They drifted off to sleep and I lay on my bed and wept for a few minutes.

Clarissa with sharky and bat

Then my mental check list kicked in. I started to think about everything I have to do to be ready for their party on Saturday. I got up and went to the kitchen, where I promptly got distracted by the internet. I'm glad I did. Two little things took me from

this-day-is-hell-when-can-I-go-to-sleep
to
maybe-things-will-be-better-when-the-girls-get-up-from-their-nap.

These are the two things:

sandra kohlmann ‏@SandraKohlmann

My daughters seem to be trying to prove two is terrible. Fighting, screaming and refusing to poop. #thisdayisawesome

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11:25 AM - 17 May 12 via web · Details

30mMiriam Wilcox ‏@sometimesiveg

@SandraKohlmann Don't they know that if they don't behave birthday santa doesn't come ;-) #kidbribeing

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12:41 PM - 17 May 12 via TweetDeck · Details

and this article by Teresa Strasser. The article doesn't apply to me, as far as how my childhood effects me as a mother, but Teresa's approach to changing her attitude and allowing herself to be in control of how she feels as a mother was exactly what I needed to read today.

So what's the moral of the story? I don't know. What I do know is that I am looking forward to Veronica and Clarissa waking up from their nap, so we can have a do-over. I am confident that this afternoon will be better. If it's not, there's always tomorrow.